So Moved

February was the longest and most transformative transition in my recent memory.

This year has been a year of growth and discovery and spontaneity. However, I've found that such things do not manifest themselves alone. Along with growth, I experience growing pains; with discovery, I lose an element of pure simplicity; with spontaneity, I find limits.
I've spent more time alone this month than I ever have before. I was not lonely, because I always had a purpose. I find that purposeless aloneness causes sadness and insecurity. But my time alone this month allowed me time to reflect and calm down. I listened to NPR while packing and cleaning, I listened to NPR as I ran errands, I listened to NPR while...
Really though, I did spend a lot of time reflecting. I'm ready now to stop reflecting about my reflections and restart having more positive experiences that induce this kind of thought.

Moving out of my apartment was such a relief. The process was painful and I'm still dealing with a crazy landlady, but changing spaces is so important. Removing myself from bad associations will allow me to have a freer mind that is more ready to relate to my community and to my surroundings.

I'm looking forward to another 3 months of growth and discovery. I don't want my actions for my last months here (and even while I'm home) to be characterized as adult actions or kid actions, but human actions. I've found that I occasionally feel uncomfortable with my own actions or thoughts because they don't fit with the construct I (might be) growing into. That was confusing...I'll keep you updated as my thoughts become more clear.

Shavua tov!